Prayer to God: I Rid Myself of Pre-Exam Nerves

A Prayer for God’s Help: I Rid Myself of Pre-Exam Nerves

Mar 18, 2019

By Xiaohuan

My senior high school entrance exams in 2012 were the first turning point in my life. My whole family expected me to do well, and I was so confident that I would pass my exams and get into senior high school. Never in a million years did I think that I would fail my exams. But I did, and I felt very low, and I could neither eat nor sleep. I just shut myself in my room and I didn’t want to see anyone. For the longest time, I languished in the shadow of my failed exams. Seeing me in such pain every day, my mom read to me a passage of God’s words:

06 Know God’s Sovereignty and No Longer Be a Slave to Money

Jan 18, 2019

By Kaoshen, Germany

    When I was little, my father would often say to me, “My son, our family is not well-off, so if you want anything you have to earn money. When you have money, you have everything!” From then on, my dream was to have a career making big bucks so that my family could live a good life.

English Christian Song 2018 "Do You Know God's Work"

Introduction

English Christian Song 2018 "Do You Know God's Work"

                                                                I

God's work in the flesh is not spectacular, nor is it shrouded in mystery. It's real and actual, like one and one is two; it's not hidden and there's no duplicity. All people see is authentic, so is the truth and knowledge they attain.

God Himself, the Unique III

God’s Authority (II) Part Five

Do Not Miss the Opportunity to Know the Creator’s Sovereignty

The six junctures described above are crucial phases laid out by the Creator that every normal person must undergo in his or her life. Every one of these junctures is real; none of them can be circumvented, and all bear a relationship to the Creator’s predestination and His sovereignty. So for a human being, each of these junctures is an important checkpoint, and how to pass through each of them smoothly is a very serious question that all of you now face.

God Himself, the Unique III

God’s Authority (II) Part Three

Progeny: The Fifth Juncture

After marrying, one begins to nurture the next generation. One has no say in how many and what kind of children one has; this too is determined by a person’s fate, predestined by the Creator. This is the fifth juncture through which a person must pass.

God Himself, the Unique III

God’s Authority (II) Part One

Today we will continue our fellowship about the topic of “God Himself, the Unique.” We have already had two fellowships on this subject, the first concerning God’s authority, and the second concerning God’s righteous disposition. After listening to these two fellowships, have you gained a new understanding of God’s identity, status, and substance? Have these insights helped you achieve a more substantive knowledge and certainty of the truth of God’s existence? Today I plan to expand upon the topic of “God’s authority.”

Regenerated in God’s Word

Regenerated in God’s Word

Jan 19, 2015

Wang Gang Shandong Province

I was a peasant. As my family was poor, I kept working everywhere to make money, just wanting to live a better life through my own labor. However, in real life I saw that the lawful rights and interests of a rural worker like me couldn’t be guaranteed at all. My wages were often withheld for no reason. Deceived and exploited by others again and again, I couldn’t get the payment I deserved for a year’s hard work. I felt that the world was too dark! People lived by the law of the jungle like animals and contended with and fought against each other. There was simply no place for me to live. When I was extremely distressed and depressed in my heart and lost confidence in life, a friend preached Almighty God’s end-time salvation to me. From then on, I often had meetings with the brothers and sisters, and we prayed, sang, and fellowshipped about the truth together. We learned from each other and made up for each other’s deficiencies, and I felt especially happy and released. In the Church of Almighty God, I saw that there was no deception or distinction of position among the brothers and sisters. We were all simple and open and lived in harmony. In order to cast off the corrupt disposition and live out the likeness of a man and thus be saved, all of us were striving to pursue the truth, which let me taste the happiness of life and understand the value and meaning of life. Therefore, I always felt that I should preach the gospel so that more people who lived in darkness could come before God to be saved by God and see the light again. So, I joined in preaching the gospel to testify God. However, I never expected that I would be arrested by the CCP government for preaching the gospel and suffer the extremely cruel tortures and imprisonment.

It was at noon in the winter of 2008. When I was testifying God’s end-time work to a gospel friend with two sisters, we were reported by an evil person. Six policemen suddenly rushed into the house of the gospel friend on the excuse of checking residence cards. As soon as they entered the house, they roared loudly, “Freeze!” Two of them rushed at me madly. One seized the clothes on my chest. The other grabbed my arms and twisted them backward with force, shouting venomously, “What are you doing? Where are you from? What’s your name?” I asked in reply, “Who are you? Why do you arrest me?” Hearing that, they flared up into a fury and said aggressively, “Don’t ask why! You’re the one we are catching! Come with us!” After that, the vicious policemen pushed the two sisters and me into a police car and took us to the local police station.

After arriving there, they put me into a small room, ordered me to squat down, and arranged for four guys to watch me. Having squatted for a long time, I was really tired and couldn’t bear it. Just when I wanted to stand up, the vicious policemen came over to press my head down, not allowing me to stand up. They didn’t allow me to get up until they came to search me in the evening. Since they got nothing, they all left later. Soon after, I heard the cry of someone who was tortured in the next room. At that time, I was very afraid in my heart: What cruel means will they use to torture me next? I prayed to God desperately in my heart, “Almighty God! Now I feel scared in my heart. May you give me faith and strength so that I will be strong and courageous and can stand testimony for you. If I can’t withstand their cruel tortures, I’d rather commit suicide by biting off my own tongue than be a Judas to betray God!” After the prayer, I thought of God’s words, “Do not fear this or that. The Almighty God of hosts will surely be with you. He will be your rear guard and shield.” (from “The Twenty-sixth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Right! With Almighty God being my rear guard and being with me, what shall I fear? I’ll rely on God to war against satan. God’s words removed the timidity in my heart and my tightened heart was released.

That night, another four ferocious-looking policemen came. One of them pointed at me, shouting, “We’ve finally got you this big fish. Your believing in Almighty God is disturbing the social order and disrupting the state law….” As he roared, he pushed me into an interrogation room on the second floor and ordered me to squat down. In the room, there were various kinds of torture devices, such as ropes, sticks, batons, steel whips, guns, and so on, which were placed disorderedly on the floor. A vicious policeman with angry eyes grabbed my hair with one hand and made an electric baton sputter with the other hand. He threatened and questioned me, “How many people are there in your church? Where is your meeting place? Who is your leader? How many of you preach in our area? Speak up! Otherwise, there will be a lot for you to suffer.” Looking at the electric baton with a blue light and the torture devices in the room, I couldn’t help feeling kind of nervous and afraid and didn’t know whether I could overcome the following cruel torture. Just at the critical moment, I thought of Almighty God’s words, “The bitter cup I drank you must drink (Jesus said this after his resurrection), and the way I walked you will have to walk. …” (from “The Course of Peter’s Knowing ‘Jesus’” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) I realized: This is God’s charge and is the way of life that God personally opens up for us. In walking the way of believing in God and pursuing the truth, we are bound to experience some tribulations and frustrations, which is inevitable. What the suffering accomplishes is God’s blessing. Only in tribulations can we gain the way of truth God bestows. The truth is the eternal life that God bestows to us. I should follow God’s footsteps to go forward and confront all these bravely instead of being timid or afraid. When I thought of that, a burst of strength welled up in my heart immediately. Then I said loudly, “I only believe in Almighty God! I know nothing else!” Hearing that, the vicious policeman was so exasperated that he jabbed my left breast wildly with the electric baton for nearly a minute. Immediately, I felt as if the blood in my body were boiling. Unbearably painful all over, I writhed on the floor and kept screaming. Still unwilling to give up, he suddenly dragged me up and lifted my chin with the baton, roaring, “Speak up! You don’t confess, eh?” While roaring, he jabbed my right breast with the electric baton. I shivered all over and then fainted from pain, lying motionless on the floor…. I didn’t know how long had passed when I woke up. I heard them saying, “Playing dead? You pretend! How dare you pretend!” Then they jabbed my face with the baton and kicked my thighs. After that, they dragged me up from the floor, saying venomously, “Speak up or not?” I still didn’t answer. They fiercely punched my face. One of my teeth was knocked out, and another one became loose. Immediately, blood flowed from my mouth. Facing such torments of those frenzied demons, I was really afraid that I couldn’t stand their cruel torture and would betray God. At that time, I thought of God’s words, “Those in power look ferocious in appearance, but do not be afraid. That is because you have little faith. As long as your faith rises, nothing will be difficult.” (from “The Seventy-fifth Piece of Word” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s words gave me faith and strength once again. I realized: Although those vicious policemen before my eyes are crazy and aggressive, they are manipulated in God’s hand. Now, God is using them to test my faith. As long as I rely on God by faith and don’t give in to them, they will surely be put to shame and defeated. Thinking of that, I exerted all my strength and asked them in reply loudly, “Why did you arrest me and take me here? Why did you shock me with the electric baton? What crime have I committed?” With a guilty conscience, the vicious policemen, who were stumped by my questions, stuttered, “Shouldn’t I… I… I arrest you and take you here? …” With the word, they went away in dejection. Seeing satans’ awkward and ugly manner, I shed tears with excitement. In such adversity, I truly experienced the authority and power of Almighty God’s words. As long as I practiced and cooperated according to God’s words, I would have God’s care and keeping and have God’s power as company. At the same time, I felt indebted to God for my little faith. After that, a tall policeman came in and walked to me, saying, “As long as you tell us where you live and how many people there are in your family, we’ll release you at once.” Seeing that I still said nothing, he exasperatedly grabbed my hand and forcefully put my fingerprint on the statement they fabricated beforehand. Seeing that the statement simply wasn’t what I said but was all their lies and framings, I was so indignant that I snatched it and tore it up. Immediately, the vicious policeman flew into a rage. He violently punched my left cheek and slapped my face hard twice, so I became disoriented. Then, they locked me up in the small room again.

In the small room, covered with bruises and unbearably painful from the tortures, I couldn’t help feeling weak and sad: Why do I have to undergo such suffering in believing in God? I preach the gospel to others with good intentions, letting them pursue the truth to be saved. However, I suffer such torture…. When I thought of that, I felt even more wronged and distressed. In anguish, I thought of God’s words, “Since you are a man, you should spend for God and endure all sufferings! As for the little suffering you are undergoing now, you should accept it gladly and readily in your heart. You should live out a meaningful life, like Job and Peter. … You people are the ones who pursue the right way and pursue to make progress. You stand up in the country of the great red dragon and are the ones called righteous by God. Isn’t this the most meaningful life?” (from “Practice (2)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Every word of Almighty God struck my heart. Yes! Almighty God has watered and supplied me with his abundant words of life, so I have enjoyed so much grace from him freely, known the mysteries no one could know throughout the past generations, and understood the truths no one could understand throughout the past generations. This is God’s special blessing for me. I should bear testimony for God and endure all sufferings for God. No matter how much I suffer, it is worthwhile, because this is the most valuable and meaningful thing. However, today I’m persecuted and suffer a little physically because of preaching the gospel, and then I feel reluctant and mistreated. Don’t I grieve God too much? Am I not too conscienceless? How can I be worthy of God’s grace and blessing and God’s supply of life? The saints in the past generations, because of walking in God’s way, had borne strong and resounding testimonies for God and lived out a meaningful life. Having gained so much supply of words from God today, shouldn’t I even more bear a good testimony for God? … As I thought of that, I felt less pain in my body. I deeply knew that it was Almighty God’s words that gave me the power of life and made me overcome the weakness of my flesh.

On the second day, the vicious policemen were already at the end of their schemes. They threatened me, “You won’t say, right? Then we’ll put you in prison!” After that, they took me to the detention house. In the detention house, the vicious policemen continued to torture me in various ways. Moreover, they often instigated the prisoners to beat me. In the severe winter, they incited the prisoners to pour basins of cold water on me, forcing me to wash in cold water. I felt so cold that I shivered all over. There, the prisoners were the machines to make money for the government. We didn’t have any lawful right and had to endure the prison guards’ squeezing and exploiting like slaves. They forced me to print thermal paper unceasingly in the daytime and work overtime at night. If I took a break, someone would come over to beat me violently. At the beginning, they required me to print 2,000 sheets a day, and then the quota increased to 2,800, and finally to 3,000. Even the veterans couldn’t finish that amount of work, let alone a newcomer like me. Actually, they intentionally made me unable to finish it so that they could find excuses to torture and afflict me. When I failed to meet the quota, the vicious policemen would put shackles weighing over five kilograms on me and had my hands and feet shackled together. I would have to sit there motionless, bending with my head downward. The gang of inhuman vicious policemen didn’t care about my eating, drinking, defecating, and urinating. Although the commode was in the cell, I couldn’t walk there to use it. So I had to beg the cellmates to pull me onto the commode. If they were kind, they would pull me there. If no one helped me, I had to relieve myself in my pants. The most painful thing was eating. As my hands and feet were shackled together, I could only force my head down and lift up my feet and hands at the same time. Only thus could I put the steamed bun into my mouth. Every bite cost me great strength and the handcuffs and shackles hurt me sharply. After a long time, my wrists and ankles had hard, black, and shiny calluses. When I was shackled, I often got nothing to eat. On occasion, the prisoners gave me two small steamed buns. But most of the time, they ate my share and I had to suffer hunger. As for water, it was even less. Actually, everyone was given only two bowls of water every day. However, I was shackled and unable to move, so I seldom drank water and I couldn’t drink it. I went through such unspeakable inhuman tortures four times, and each time I was shackled three days at least and eight days at most. Whenever I was unbearably hungry, I thought of what God ever said, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4) Gradually, I realized that God wanted to accomplish in me the fact that “the word becomes life” through satan’s affliction on me. After understanding God’s will, I got released in my heart. Then I quieted myself before God and prayed to God and pondered God’s words. Unknowingly, I no longer felt so painful and didn’t feel hungry. It made me truly experience that God’s word is the truth, the way, and the life and is indeed the foundation for my existence. Therefore, I had more faith in God unconsciously. I remembered that once the prison guards tortured me on purpose again. I was shackled there and had nothing to eat or drink three days and nights. The prisoner who was shackled beside me said, “Before, a young man was starved to death because of being shackled like this. You haven’t eaten anything for several days yet still look energetic.” At his words, thinking that I didn’t eat or drink anything for three days and nights yet didn’t feel that hungry, I deeply felt that the life force of God’s word was supporting me and truly saw that God appeared to me in the word. I was very excited in my heart. In such an environment of suffering, I could truly experience the reality of the truth that “man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God,” which was really the most precious wealth of life God bestowed to me, was my special gain, and was even more what I could never gain in an easy environment without worrying about food and clothing. It was so meaningful and worthwhile to undergo such suffering today! At that time, I couldn’t help remembering God’s words, “What you inherit today is higher than what the apostles and prophets in the past generations inherited, even higher than what Moses and Peter inherited. Blessings cannot be gained in one or two days. You have to pay much price. That is, you have to have a refined love, have a great faith, and have the many truths God requires you to live up to, you have to be able to stand with justice, not bending or swerving, and have to have a heart that loves God without change even unto death, and you need to have the will, have your life disposition transformed and your corruptions cured, and accept all God’s manipulations without complaint and even be able to obey unto death. These are what you should achieve, are God’s ultimate purpose, and are God’s requirements for this group of people.” (from “Is God’s Work So Simple as People Imagine?” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) Pondering God’s words, I realized: What sufferings and trials accomplish is indeed God’s blessing and is God’s most practical life supply and watering to me. Now, although the words God bestows to me surpass those to the saints in the past generations, I still need to have faith and perseverance to inherit them, and should never bend or swerve in the tribulation but obey God’s manipulation and arrangement and accept God’s salvation. Only thus can I enter into the reality of God’s words and see God’s wonderful deeds. Without the price of suffering, I’m not qualified to inherit the promise and blessing God bestows to me. The revelation and guidance of God’s words made me stronger and have more strength within. I made a firm resolution: I will try my best to cooperate with God and satisfy God’s requirement and bear testimony for God in such an environment of suffering, so that I can gain the most.

Picture of The Church of Almighty Go

One month later, the CCP police sentenced me to one year of hard labor on the charge of “being suspected of disturbing the social order and damaging the implementation of the law.” Just after I entered the labor camp, the vicious policemen spread rumors and lies among prisoners, saying that I, a believer in Almighty God, was worse than murderers and robbers, and instigated the prisoners to torture me, so they often beat and kicked me without cause and created all manner of difficulties for me. It made me truly see that China is the living hell firmly controlled by satan the devil, its every corner is dark, it doesn’t allow the existence of light, and there’s no living space for the believers in Almighty God at all. In the daytime, the vicious policemen forced me to work in the workshop. If I didn’t finish the quota, they would ask the prisoners to beat me after I returned to the cell, and they called it “killing the chicken to frighten the monkey.” When I counted bags in the workshop, the prisoners always deliberately took one or some from the bags which I had counted in bundles of 100. Then, they said that I didn’t count correctly and took the opportunity to beat and kick me. Seeing that I had been beaten enough, the prison governor would come over and hypocritically asked what had happened. Then, the prisoners would frame me, saying that I didn’t count enough bags, so I would be scolded by the prison governor. Moreover, every morning, the prisoners ordered me to recite the “code of conduct.” If I refused, I would be beaten. They also forced me to sing the songs of praising the Communist Party. If they saw that I didn’t sing or my lips didn’t move, I couldn’t escape being beaten up at night. Besides, they made me mop the floor. Whenever I didn’t do it to their satisfaction, I would suffer a fierce beating. Once, a gang of prisoners suddenly beat me with fists and feet. After that, they asked me, “Boy, do you know why you were beaten? It’s because you didn’t stand up to say hello to the prison governor when he came here!” Each time after being beaten, I dared not speak out my indignation within, but could only pray to God silently in tears and pour out my resentment and grievance to God. This was because it was a lawless place where people had no way to reason. There was no justice, but only violence. There were no men, but only the frenzied devils and scorpions! I felt it distressing and depressing to live in such an adverse environment, not wanting to stay even one more minute…. Whenever I was weak and distressed to a degree, I would think of Almighty God’s words, “The God in heaven comes to the filthiest licentious land, and he never expresses his grievances or complains against men but silently endures men’s tortures and oppression. Yet he never opposes men’s unreasonable demands, never makes excessive requirements of men, and never has unreasonable requirements for men, but only wholeheartedly and uncomplainingly does for men all the works they need: teaching, inspiring, rebuking, refining with words, warning, exhorting, comforting, judging, and disclosing. Which step is not for men’s life? Although God takes away men’s future and destiny, which step of his work is not for men’s destiny? Which step is not for men’s existence? Which step is not for men to break free from the suppression of the afflicting and pitch-dark force of darkness? Which step is not for men? Who can know God’s motherly heart? Who can understand God’s anxious heart?” (from “Work and Entering In (9)” in The Word Appears in the Flesh) God’s words encouraged me. Yes! Enduring great humiliations and sufferings, God comes to the world to work through being incarnated this time just for the purpose of saving us, the most deeply corrupt people, out of satan’s abyss of misery, so that we can live in God’s light and live in the pleasant destination where there is no satan’s affliction, no sorrow, no grief, and no tears. What God works on me, whether grace and blessing or trial and refining, is all for supplying me and saving me and for working the truth into me, so that the truth can become my life. Today, God permits the persecution and tribulation to come upon me. Although I suffer a lot, I practically experience God’s presence, and practically taste that God’s word becomes the bread of life for me and becomes a lamp to my feet and a light to my path, guiding me to go forward step by step in the devil’s dark den. All this is God’s love and God’s keeping that I’ve enjoyed and received in suffering. At that time, I realized: I’m too blind, too selfish, and too greedy; in believing in God, I only know to enjoy God’s grace and blessing, but don’t pursue the truth and life in the least; when my flesh suffers a little, I complain incessantly and don’t try to sense God’s will or seek to know God’s work at all, always making God grieved and distressed for me; I’m so conscienceless! In remorse and self-reproach, I prayed to God silently, “O Almighty God! I see that everything you’ve done is for saving me and gaining me. I hate myself for being too disobedient and too blind and having no humanity and thus always misunderstanding you and never caring for your will. O God! Today, it is your words that arouse my numb heart and spirit and make me understand your will. I don’t want to have my own desire and requirement any more, but only wish to obey your manipulation and arrangement. Even if I have to undergo all kinds of sufferings, I’ll try my best to cooperate with you and bear a resounding testimony for you in satan’s persecution, pursue to break away from satan’s influence, and live out the likeness of a real man to satisfy you.” After the prayer, I understood God’s thoughtful kind intention and knew that every environment God permitted me to experience was God’s greatest love and salvation to me. Therefore, I no longer had a thought of withdrawal and no longer misunderstood God. Although the environment was still the same, I was full of joy and enjoyment within. I always felt that it was my honor and pride, was a special favor to me, a corrupt man, and was God’s special grace and blessing that I could suffer pains and persecutions for believing in Almighty God today.

After experiencing one year of affliction in prison, I saw that my stature was too small and I lacked too many truths. Just through such a special environment, Almighty God made up for my lacking and made me grow up in stature, so that in adversity I gained the most valuable wealth of life, understood many truths I hadn’t understood before, saw clearly the ugly face of satan the devil and its reactionary substance of resisting God, and knew its monstrous sin of persecuting Almighty God and afflicting Christians. I truly experienced Almighty God’s great mercy and salvation to me, a corrupt man, and felt that Almighty God’s words are indeed with authority and life power and can bring me light, be my life, and lead me to overcome satan and tenaciously walk out of the valley of the shadow of death. Meanwhile, I also knew that the way Almighty God leads me to walk is exactly a right way of human life and a bright way of gaining the truth and life! From now on, no matter how many persecutions and tribulations as well as dangers and temptations I’ll encounter, I’m willing to do my best to pursue the truth and gain the way of eternal life Almighty God bestows on me.the Church of Almighty God.

A Letter From a Recovered Cancer Patient to Her Sister

A Letter From a Recovered Cancer Patient to Her Sister

Sep 30, 2018

Little Sister:

Hello! I got your letter a few days ago and it made me really happy. We haven’t been in contact for a long time, so now that I know you’re all well and that you’re living the proper church life, my mind can rest easy. You asked why I hadn’t been in touch with you for such a long time; you must surely have been worried that something had happened to me, right? Actually, I’ve been going through a trial of illness during this time, and the doctor gave me a death sentence. But I miraculously survived under the guidance of God’s words, and now I’m completely fine. You probably want to know how God guided me through this trial of illness, don’t you? Let me take you through everything that’s happened.







One day in October, I discovered by chance a hard lump in my left breast. It didn’t hurt or itch, but it kind of threw me: I couldn’t possibly have breast cancer, could I? So straight away I consulted some relevant information, and found that the various symptoms of breast cancer were the same as what I was experiencing. I couldn’t help but feel anxious and scared: Do I really have cancer? Cancer is incurable, so I could go and spend money at the hospital and still not be cured…. The more I thought about it, the more afraid I became, and unconsciously a thought to blame God arose within me. I thought: “I’ve been following God for nearly 20 years, I’ve always done my duty in the church and I’m busy from dawn till dusk every day. I’ve even suffered being persecuted and the danger of being arrested by the Chinese government, and suffered being rejected and slandered by unbelievers and not being understood by my relatives and friends, and none of this has ever shaken my resolution to follow God. So how can I suddenly have cancer?” But then I thought: “Don’t think crazy thoughts. This illness that’s come upon me is God’s trial. God’s words have said: ‘Almighty God, the Head of all things, wields His kingly power from His throne. He rules over the universe and all things and He is guiding us on the whole earth. We shall often be close to Him, and come before Him in quietness; never shall we miss a single moment, and there are things to learn at all times. The environment around us as well as the people, matters and objects, all are permitted by His throne. Do not have a complaining heart, or God will not bestow His grace upon you. When sickness happens it is due to God’s love, and His good intentions are surely behind it. Even when your body endures suffering, take no ideas from Satan. Praise God in the midst of illness and enjoy God in the midst of your praise. Do not lose heart in the face of illness, keep seeking and never give up, and God shall shine His light on you. How faithful was Job? Almighty God is an all-powerful physician! To dwell in sickness is to be sick, but to dwell in the spirit is to be well. If you have but one breath, God will not let you die’ (‘The Sixth Utterance’ in The Word Appears in the Flesh).” Thinking of God’s words gave me faith and strength. Although I didn’t understand God’s will right then, I still believed that God’s good intentions must certainly be behind this illness that had come upon me. I wanted to be like Job, not only not complaining to God, but also thanking and praising God for His righteousness. I thought, “God holds sovereignty over all things, and my life and death are also held in God’s hands. So long as the hour of my death has not yet arrived, even if I have but one breath left in my body, God would not let me die.” Being momentarily moved by God’s words, I felt a surge of faith, but the moment I returned to reality, I began to worry once again: “I have always spent all my time serving God and have never caused delays to the church’s work. If I’m now to cause delays to it because I’m ill, will God still approve of me? If I’m not able to earn God’s approval, won’t all these years spent expending myself and paying this price have been in vain? No, no matter what, I won’t give up my duty. But the longer I put off going to hospital, won’t my illness just get worse? What will I do if I really am going to die?” One worry after another caused me to sink into painful refinement. I didn’t know how to face everything that was happening to me, much less was I able to calmly perform my duty. As I was being refined, I prayed and went seeking to God many times, asking Him to guide me to understand His will. One day, I just so happened to read these words of God: “For all people, refinement is excruciating, and very difficult to accept—yet it is during refinement that God makes plain His righteous disposition to man, and makes public His requirements for man, and provides more enlightenment, and more actual pruning and dealing; through the comparison between the facts and the truth, He gives man a greater knowledge of himself and the truth, and gives man a greater understanding of God’s will, thus allowing man to have a truer and purer love of God. Such are God’s aims in carrying out refinement. All the work that God does in man has its own aims and significance; God does not do meaningless work, nor does He do work that is without benefit to man. Refinement does not mean removing people from before God, nor does it mean destroying them in hell. It means changing man’s disposition during refinement, changing his motivations, his old views, changing his love for God, and changing his whole life. Refinement is a real test of man, and a form of real training, and only during refinement can his love serve its inherent function” (“Only by Experiencing Refinement Can Man Truly Love God” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s words shone a light on all before me. As it happened, by means of His refinement, God was enabling me to examine and know myself to an even deeper level, He was purifying me of my inner motives and impurities and changing my incorrect views on what to pursue in my belief in God so that I could achieve true love for God, whilst at the same time come to know God’s righteous disposition. Having understood God’s will, I knelt down and prayed to God: “Oh, God! I now understand the purpose and significance of Your work of refinement. But I still don’t know what corruptions I need to be purified of and what views of mine need remedying. May You enlighten and guide me, and enable me to learn the lessons I should learn.”





After I’d prayed, I opened the book of God’s words and read: “How many believe in Me only so I would heal them? … How many believe in Me only to avoid the suffering of hell and to receive the blessings of heaven? … When man asked Me to heal him, yet I acknowledged him not and felt abhorrence for him, man went far away from Me and sought the way of witch doctors and sorcery. When I took away all that man had demanded from Me, then all disappeared without a trace. Therefore, I say that man has faith in Me because I give too much grace, and there is far too much to gain” (“What Do You Know of Faith?” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “Every person constantly, and often makes such calculations within their heart, and they make demands of God which bear their motivations, and ambitions, and deals. Which is to say, in his heart man is constantly putting God to test, constantly devising plans about God, and constantly arguing the case for his end with God, and trying to extract a statement from God, seeing whether or not God can give him what he wants. At the same time as pursuing God, man doesn’t treat God like God. He has always tried to make deals with God, ceaselessly making demands of Him, and even pressing Him at every step, trying to take a mile after being given an inch. At the same time as trying to make deals with God, man also argues with Him, and there are even people who, when trials befall them or they find themselves in certain situations, often become weak, passive and slack in their work, and full of complaints about God. From when he first began to believe in God, man has considered God to be a cornucopia, a Swiss Army knife, and he has considered himself to be God’s greatest creditor, as if trying to get blessings and promises from God were his inherent right and obligation, while God’s responsibility were to protect and care for man and provide for him. Such is the basic understanding of ‘belief in God’ of all those who believe in God, and their deepest understanding of the concept of belief in God” (“God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Every one of God’s words exposed the ulterior motives and aims I had in my belief in God, and they made me feel disgraced and abashed, and like there was no place I could show my face for shame. I thought, “Since I discovered I was ill, I have constantly tried to reason with God and believed that, since I’ve believed in God for so many years and have been serving full time in the church, God should watch over me and keep my flesh safe, and make everything all right, and that if God does not keep me from falling ill or from suffering, then He must be wrong. From the outside, I appeared to be persisting with my duty in the church, but in fact I was afraid that, if by chance I wasn’t able to perform my duty, then I would gain nothing when God’s work came to its end and my belief in God would end in failure. God has used this trial of illness to make me see my contemptible intent to make deals with God. I have undergone all the sufferings and expended myself through all these years in order to receive God’s grace and blessings in return, and in order to obtain the crown and reward in the end—I haven’t loved God at all. This exposure is so beneficial for my life growth, and it is God’s blessing to me and His great love for me.” At that moment, all I could do was prostrate myself before God and offer up a prayer: “Oh, God! Through this trial of illness, You’ve made me realize that all these years I’ve used You and cheated You. Oh, God! I’m so unworthy to live before You. Contracting this illness as I have now is entirely Your righteous judgment coming upon me, and it is the best way for You to purify and change me. I wish to accept it and obey. Amen!” After praying, I thought of the people of the city of Nineveh who, because they sincerely repented, obtained God’s mercy and forbearance. And I also thought of Job; while he was afflicted by illness, Job still didn’t deny God, but instead he extolled God’s name, and ultimately he received God’s blessing. So I also made a resolution to God that I would confess my sins and repent to Him like the people of Nineveh, and that I would obey God and not complain, and stand witness for God as Job had done.

I then read these words of God: “No matter how God works or what kind of environment you are in, you will be able to pursue life, seek to have God’s work carried out within you, and pursue the truth. You will have an understanding of God’s actions and you will be able to act according to the truth. This is your genuine faith, and this shows that you have not lost hope in God. You will still pursue the truth in refinement, you will be able to truly love God and will not develop doubts of Him. No matter what He does, you will still practice the truth to satisfy Him, and you will be able to deeply seek out His will and be considerate of His will. Only this is true faith in God. Before, when God said that you would reign as a king, you loved Him, and when He openly showed Himself to you, you pursued Him. But now God is hidden, you cannot see Him, and troubles have come upon you. At this time, do you lose hope in God? So at all times you must pursue life and seek to satisfy God’s will. This is called genuine faith, and it is the truest and most beautiful kind of love. … When you face sufferings you must be able to not consider the flesh and not complain against God. When God hides Himself from you, you must be able to have the faith to follow Him, to maintain your previous love without allowing it to falter or disappear. No matter what God does, you must submit to His design, and be more willing to curse your own flesh than to complain against Him. When you are faced with trials you must satisfy God in spite of any reluctance to part with something you love, or bitter weeping. Only this can be called true love and faith” (“Those Who Are to Be Made Perfect Must Undergo Refinement” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s words gave me faith and strength, and they made me understand that I should have true faith in God during trials. Whether in pain or hardship, I must always obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements and not complain, and I must also seek to change the wrong motives and impurities I harbor within me so as to satisfy God’s will. As I contemplated God’s words, I perceived God’s hope, care and thought for me, and that God knew what method to use to allow me to gain the truth and be purified. Having understood God’s will, I was willing to face calmly the refinement of this illness. I thought that God had given me this breath I took, and whether I recovered from this illness or not, it was all in God’s hands; I was willing to obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements.

Soon after, your brother-in-law took me to the hospital. After the doctor had examined me, he reproached me, saying: “Why are you only now coming to be examined? The best time for treatment has already passed because of your delay.” Standing beside me, your brother-in-law asked anxiously: “Doctor, can it still be operated on?” The doctor flipped through the case files and helplessly shook his head, and said: “Not anymore.” Hearing the doctor say this, despairing thoughts flashed through my heart, as I knew what late-stage cancer meant…. Imperceptibly, feelings of despair and terror enveloped me, and my heart trembled with fear. Just at that moment, God’s words enlightened me: “Jehovah God not only holds the status of the God who created light, and air, and all things and living beings, of the God who holds sovereignty over all things and living beings, but also of the God who commands mankind, and commands Hades, the God who controls the life and death of all living things” (“God Himself, the Unique I” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). “When the Lord Jesus did something such as bringing Lazarus back from the dead, His goal was to give proof for humans and for Satan to see, and to let humans and Satan know that mankind’s everything, mankind’s life and death are determined by God” (“God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself III” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). God’s words greatly eased my heart, and I silently prayed to God: “O God, I wish to entrust my life and death to You, to place myself in Your hands whether I live or die and, even if I do die, it is because of Your righteousness and I will still give thanks to You and praise You.” Your brother-in-law cried and implored the doctor to cure me no matter what (at that time, a large lump had grown on my collarbone, and the lump in my breast had begun to ulcerate and weep, and both my armpits hurt so much that I couldn’t lift my arms). The doctor said helplessly: “We’ll do a PET-CT scan first and see. We’ll be able to talk about the exact situation once we have the results.” When your brother-in-law heard that the doctor was willing to treat me, he hurriedly nodded his head and agreed. He stayed behind as the doctor beckoned me out of the room, telling me that they would fill out the registration forms for me, and that the hospital would be in touch at a later date to arrange a check-up. (Only later did I find out that the doctor had told your brother-in-law that my illness had already reached an advanced stage, and that we should go home and enjoy celebrating New Year together.) I thank God for protecting my heart, as I wasn’t afraid at all. I knew that this strength was given to me by God, as I simply didn’t have that much faith myself. When the results of my tests came back, the doctor said in amazement: “You’re so fortunate! From an external examination of your illness, I thought the cancer had long since spread to your brain, lungs and liver. But the test results show that the cancer is only in your breast, armpits and on your collarbone, so there’s still hope for you to be cured. It just depends on whether or not you respond to the medication. We need to put you on chemotherapy, and then operate once the tumors have shrunk. The results of this treatment will also depend on your luck. If you respond to the medication, then the tumors will shrink and we will have the opportunity to operate; if you do not respond to the treatment, then the tumors will not shrink, and there will be no hope of a cure.” As I listened to the doctor talk, I silently called to God in my heart: “Oh, God! All things are in Your hands and my life even more so. The doctor can treat my illness, but he can’t save my life. If You permit me to live, then my illness will be cured. But if it can’t be cured and I die, then I will still obey You and praise You for Your righteousness!” As I was undergoing chemotherapy, my heart got close to God all the time, and as per the expected plan, I was very soon to be operated on. Just as I was about to go into the operating theater, I couldn’t help but feel terrified, so I called on God in my heart: “May God protect me so that I may quiet my heart before You and submit in this situation.” After praying, my heart felt incredibly peaceful and at ease, and all feelings of fear and terror were gone—I knew this was because of God’s protection. After the operation was over, the doctor said it had been very successful. Moreover, I hadn’t suffered the kind of pain and suffering other people suffer when undergoing chemotherapy. The doctor said that because I underwent preoperative chemotherapy, it would take a long time for the incisions to heal, but in actual fact, the opposite happened. It can take two to three weeks for people to have their tubes taken out (drainage tubes left in from the operation), but I hadn’t even been home for two weeks before mine could be taken out. As the doctor was removing my tubes, he said: “The incisions are healing really well and really quickly.” Hearing the doctor say this, I realized very clearly that this was an act of God, and I couldn’t help but offer up my thanks and praise to God. Little Sister, I finished my treatment more than six months ago and my test results are all fine. I have now come to really appreciate God’s faithfulness, and I have seen His almightiness and sovereignty. Although I suffered some pain during this trial of illness, it has been so beneficial for my life progression. Through this illness, I came to see that I used to believe in God for the sake of gaining blessings and rewards, and that I was on the road to destruction. I now wish to start again, to examine and know myself in every situation God arranges for me, to seek to practice and enter into even more truths and to have my corrupt disposition changed. No matter what my end will be, I will always follow God and obey His orchestrations and arrangements.

Little Sister, please don’t worry about me. Although I can’t serve full time in the church like I did before, I can write down and share with even more brothers and sisters my experiences from all my years of belief in God, and perform my duty to the best of my ability. Now that I’m constantly practicing writing articles of experiences and testimony and reflecting on myself, and I’m going over every tiny thing God has ever done to me, I feel so much closer to God, and I feel a peace and sense of ease that I’ve never felt before. Little Sister, I’m sure your worries and misgivings will all be set aside now that you’ve read this experience I’m sharing with you. I look forward to your next letter, and make sure to share your experiences and understanding with me too!

All the glory be to Almighty God!

Your Big Sister, Ma Ting

August 3, 2018